It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
-
Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
-
Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values.
He says to me, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
He says to me, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
-
kaymar
- Senior Second Officer
- Posts: 772
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Ellan Vannin
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son and gives the boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realising the boy has swallowed the pennies, starts slapping him on the back..
The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps on choking. The father starts to panic, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman is sitting at another table, reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the paper placing it tidily on the table in front of her, before getting up from her seat and making her way in an unhurried manner across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of his testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father and walks back to her table without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, " I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
'No,' the woman replies, " I'm with the Inland Revenue "
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realising the boy has swallowed the pennies, starts slapping him on the back..
The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps on choking. The father starts to panic, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman is sitting at another table, reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the paper placing it tidily on the table in front of her, before getting up from her seat and making her way in an unhurried manner across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of his testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father and walks back to her table without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, " I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
'No,' the woman replies, " I'm with the Inland Revenue "
-
qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The inventor of the Vehicle Reversing Sensor - I bet you think it was Ford, maybe GM, how about Chrysler? No, then how about Mercedes Benz?
No, not at all, it was a Chinese farmer!
Most of the newest cars have a Reversing Sensor that warns the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something. Most people probably think that this valuable feature came out of the minds of great engineers, but it was recently disclosed that the concept was first developed by a Chinese farmer. His invention was simple and effective. It emits a high-pitched squeal when the vehicle backs into something…….
No, not at all, it was a Chinese farmer!
Most of the newest cars have a Reversing Sensor that warns the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something. Most people probably think that this valuable feature came out of the minds of great engineers, but it was recently disclosed that the concept was first developed by a Chinese farmer. His invention was simple and effective. It emits a high-pitched squeal when the vehicle backs into something…….
-
qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Girls Night Out...
The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.
The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.
Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!
Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quite pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equalled 12 cuckoos!
The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise an eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!
After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."
A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.
The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.
Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!
Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quite pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equalled 12 cuckoos!
The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise an eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!
After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."
A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
-
qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Phillip and Phoebe are parked in Lover's Lane.
He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.
"Awwwww Hell !" he murmured, "Fuzz !"
"What did ya expect ?" Phoebe sez, "A perm?"
He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.
"Awwwww Hell !" he murmured, "Fuzz !"
"What did ya expect ?" Phoebe sez, "A perm?"
-
Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
-
Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Wife: Would you get married again?
Husband: Definitely not!
Wife: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Husband: Of course I do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Husband: Okay, I'd get married again.
Wife: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Husband: (audible groan)
Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Husband: Where else would we sleep?
Wife: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Wife: Well, would you let her use my golf clubs?
Husband: No!... she's left-handed.
Husband: Definitely not!
Wife: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Husband: Of course I do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Husband: Okay, I'd get married again.
Wife: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Husband: (audible groan)
Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Husband: Where else would we sleep?
Wife: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Wife: Well, would you let her use my golf clubs?
Husband: No!... she's left-handed.
-
Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
-
Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you.
I just had a really tasty leg of salmon and feel fine.
I just had a really tasty leg of salmon and feel fine.