Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time


Brrrrrr

26230463_530247523999285_5851865849899003210_n.jpg

[Stephen]

American teachers will now be armed with 9mm Glocks. Librarians will be issued silencers.

[oldbluefox]

Confucius Say...
Kiss is merely shopping upstairs, for merchandise downstairs.

Confucius Say…
Better to lose a lover than love a loser.

Confucius Say…
Man with broken condom often called Daddy

Confucius Say…
Sex is same as bank account. You put it in, you take it out then you lose interest.

Confucius Say…
Viagra just like Disneyland. One hour wait for 5 minute ride.

Confucius Say…
Much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.

Confucius Say…
Joke is like sex. Neither any good if you don't get it.

[Stephen]

28575722_1697670783674404_5156703033185250051_n.jpg

[Stephen]

The last time Bradford was this white William the Conqueror was still alive.

[Stephen]

27545615_1940624372632516_6409131416261903760_n.jpg

[Stephen]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Ray B]

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snowplough to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snowplough came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the snowplough for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a snowplough. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Asda parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Tesco now?"

[Stephen]

28167201_193835501373064_5186603309134200509_n.jpg

[Stephen]

BBC NEWS: 100 billion barrels of oil found beneath Gatwick.

CNN NEWS: USA to invade Gatwick due to reports of hiding weapons of mass destruction.

[Stephen]

26815046_1644406392334177_970025869957479412_n.jpg

[Stephen]

A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020

[Ray Scully]

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.” The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,

“Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.”

The grandfather replies, “I know. That’s from your grandma.”

[Ray B]

I found my wheelie bin in the middle of the road this morning
If I hadn't brought it back in, it could have wheelie bin dangerous.