Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
They say Prince Andrew can get off on a legal technicality.
Is there nothing the pervert doesn't find arousing?
Is there nothing the pervert doesn't find arousing?
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Dry January is going well so far.
Last night I had a bottle of dry martini and tonight I'm having a nice bottle of dry sauvignon.
Last night I had a bottle of dry martini and tonight I'm having a nice bottle of dry sauvignon.
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
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- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
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- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
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- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A bloke arrived for a business meeting with my boss earlier, I rang through to his penthouse office to say he was here.
My boss said, “show him up.”
So I turned to the bloke and shouted “your wig looks like sh*t, your suit is cheap, and you stink.”
My boss said, “show him up.”
So I turned to the bloke and shouted “your wig looks like sh*t, your suit is cheap, and you stink.”
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
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- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
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- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
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- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Is it just me?
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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david63
- Site Admin
- Posts: 9436
- Joined: January 2012
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Just seen this.
I am getting old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!!
I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...where's the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...Why do all flavours of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails, yet light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton... Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors... I still don't understand why there is Braille on drive up ATM's or why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilise the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going... why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? ....and what would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...and Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways? do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...
I am getting old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!!
I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...where's the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...Why do all flavours of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails, yet light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton... Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors... I still don't understand why there is Braille on drive up ATM's or why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilise the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going... why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? ....and what would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...and Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways? do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15356
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15356
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Two Scotsmen go to Hell
A demon approaches the devil and says "Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them? "
The devil says "Glaswegians? Their kind are normally very friendly, helpful and honest, so we do not see many such men in my dark domain... Hang them in a cage over the lake of fire for now and I shall check on them later."
But when the devil flew up to the cage to check on the Scotsmen, he found them happily lounging around with their shirts off.
"What is the meaning of this?" The devil cried. "You're supposed to be in torment!"
The Glaswegians looked surprised "Naw" they said "it's pure quality taps aff weather here man. It's no drab an' dreek like Scotland, you know that way?"
Fuming, the devil flew to the great thermostat of Hell and cranked it all the way to the top. And the next day, the temperature was so high that even the demons were sweating, the stones of hell were melting and the flames from the lake of fire were leaping higher than ever before.
So the devil was surprised when he visited the Scotsmen and found that they had somehow procured plastic lawn furniture and Buckfast tonic wine.
Raising a glass to the devil, one of the Scotsmen said "Hey big man! If I'd known it was so lovely an warm doon here, I'd've done a whole lot more sinning! Weather's always shite in Glasgae. Always freezin' ma nuts off, you know?"
"I see." The devil replied, smiling though clenched teeth "your dismal country has given you a great love of heat. The hotter it is, the happier you are. Well, we'll see about that."
So saying, he flew to the great thermostat of Hell once more, but this time, he turned it all the way down.
The next day, the lake of fire was frozen solid for the first time, sinners were frozen in blocks of ice and demons huddled in corners for warmth, their teeth chattering. But when the devil visited the Scotsmen, he found them jumping for joy, tearfully cheering "Scotland! SCOTLAND!!!"
The devil's jaw dropped. "What? Why? How? I burn you and you are happy! I freeze you and you celebrate! What is wrong with you?"
One of Glaswegians turned back and said "Is it no feckin' obvious ye daft bastart? Hell's frozen over! Scotland's won the world cup!"
A demon approaches the devil and says "Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them? "
The devil says "Glaswegians? Their kind are normally very friendly, helpful and honest, so we do not see many such men in my dark domain... Hang them in a cage over the lake of fire for now and I shall check on them later."
But when the devil flew up to the cage to check on the Scotsmen, he found them happily lounging around with their shirts off.
"What is the meaning of this?" The devil cried. "You're supposed to be in torment!"
The Glaswegians looked surprised "Naw" they said "it's pure quality taps aff weather here man. It's no drab an' dreek like Scotland, you know that way?"
Fuming, the devil flew to the great thermostat of Hell and cranked it all the way to the top. And the next day, the temperature was so high that even the demons were sweating, the stones of hell were melting and the flames from the lake of fire were leaping higher than ever before.
So the devil was surprised when he visited the Scotsmen and found that they had somehow procured plastic lawn furniture and Buckfast tonic wine.
Raising a glass to the devil, one of the Scotsmen said "Hey big man! If I'd known it was so lovely an warm doon here, I'd've done a whole lot more sinning! Weather's always shite in Glasgae. Always freezin' ma nuts off, you know?"
"I see." The devil replied, smiling though clenched teeth "your dismal country has given you a great love of heat. The hotter it is, the happier you are. Well, we'll see about that."
So saying, he flew to the great thermostat of Hell once more, but this time, he turned it all the way down.
The next day, the lake of fire was frozen solid for the first time, sinners were frozen in blocks of ice and demons huddled in corners for warmth, their teeth chattering. But when the devil visited the Scotsmen, he found them jumping for joy, tearfully cheering "Scotland! SCOTLAND!!!"
The devil's jaw dropped. "What? Why? How? I burn you and you are happy! I freeze you and you celebrate! What is wrong with you?"
One of Glaswegians turned back and said "Is it no feckin' obvious ye daft bastart? Hell's frozen over! Scotland's won the world cup!"
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Happydays
- First Officer
- Posts: 1840
- Joined: June 2014
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Merv, you have summed it up perfectly
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Bensham33
- Senior Second Officer
- Posts: 706
- Joined: October 2020
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Moyes, Guardiola, Vierra, Klopp, and Arteta are in the pub. Guardiola buys a round of Sangrias and they all enjoy a drink.
Then Moyes goes to the bar and buys a round of Whiskeys. Next Vierra goes up and buys a glass of French red wine for everyone because he's a classy guy.
When it's Klopp's turn he buys 4 German beers and passes them around to Moyes, Guardiola, Vierra, and Klopp.
Arteta says "Excuse me Mr Klopp, but where is my beer?"
Klopp says, "Sorry this is the 4th round; you're not in it!"
Then Moyes goes to the bar and buys a round of Whiskeys. Next Vierra goes up and buys a glass of French red wine for everyone because he's a classy guy.
When it's Klopp's turn he buys 4 German beers and passes them around to Moyes, Guardiola, Vierra, and Klopp.
Arteta says "Excuse me Mr Klopp, but where is my beer?"
Klopp says, "Sorry this is the 4th round; you're not in it!"
Up the Palace
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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