It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery.
To my horror they were right... we had 6 matching balls.
To my horror they were right... we had 6 matching balls.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I bought an automatic car today.
"How do I make it go?" my wife asked.
"You put it into drive," I said.
"What about when I've finished with it?" she asked.
"You put it into park," I said.
An hour later, I found it by the swings.
"How do I make it go?" my wife asked.
"You put it into drive," I said.
"What about when I've finished with it?" she asked.
"You put it into park," I said.
An hour later, I found it by the swings.
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 12524
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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I was taught to be cautious
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
'...A Lawyer representing a wealthy art dealer called him and said,
"Saul, I have some good and some bad news for you."
The art dealer replied,
"I've had a terrible day. Give me the good news first."
"Well", says the Lawyer. "I met with your wife yesterday and she told me she had purchased two pictures for £5,000, but she thinks they might be worth £5-10 MILLION!'
"Fantastic woman, my wife, and a very smart businesswoman too" says the art dealer.
"What's the bad news?"
The Lawyer replied,
"The pictures are of you banging your secretary."
"Saul, I have some good and some bad news for you."
The art dealer replied,
"I've had a terrible day. Give me the good news first."
"Well", says the Lawyer. "I met with your wife yesterday and she told me she had purchased two pictures for £5,000, but she thinks they might be worth £5-10 MILLION!'
"Fantastic woman, my wife, and a very smart businesswoman too" says the art dealer.
"What's the bad news?"
The Lawyer replied,
"The pictures are of you banging your secretary."
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17753
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17014
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 12524
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 14153
- Joined: January 2013
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17014
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A plumber (The Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on his 50th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."
"Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the plumber sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm a plumber?"
"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!"
The plumber is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy but I only lived to be fifty."
"That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter, "We've added up all your time sheets."
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."
"Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the plumber sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm a plumber?"
"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!"
The plumber is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy but I only lived to be fifty."
"That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter, "We've added up all your time sheets."