Boarding Schools

[Boris+]

Firstly apologies - I wrote 'is' and I meant to say that boarding school isn't that bag.

Anyway - Sue, I know that it's an awesome and important decision to make or be part of, and I wish that everything turns out beautifully for you.

Em

[Silver_Shiney]

Wel, as I said, a child should be at home with its parents. Because of work, I was away from home for most of my kids' growing up, and our relationship suffered because of it big time.

[Dark Knight]

if the boarding school is a better school and has been proven to be so, then what is the issue?
it sounds a little like the Father is trying to defend state run schools as he teaches there and feels it is more a slight on his job than a true reason for not sending the child away
if the child can receive a better education and a better start to life, then why not and more the better, if the financial burden does not fall on the parents

I think this is a case of the heart ruling the head and for every sob story about Tom Brown's schooldays and St Trinians, there are dozens of happy ,well adjusted, well educated children who went to boarding school and have prospered far beyond their state school potential
personally I would move heaven and earth to give my child the best possible education and start in life, even if that meant seeing slightly less of them at home

just my opinion

They don't want to send the child away to boarding school. It has nothing to do with my son being a teacher. They didn't bring children into this world, to send them away during their childhood to live the majority of their young years in a boarding school!!! It's not natural to want to do that.
As has been stated earlier, you only get one childhood. The state education system still works, it is not defunct!!

I assume you posted because you wanted opinions?? then you got mine, as to whether you like it or not, that is obvious
if you just wanted people to agree with you , why bother?

[suespud]

if the boarding school is a better school and has been proven to be so, then what is the issue?
it sounds a little like the Father is trying to defend state run schools as he teaches there and feels it is more a slight on his job than a true reason for not sending the child away
if the child can receive a better education and a better start to life, then why not and more the better, if the financial burden does not fall on the parents

I think this is a case of the heart ruling the head and for every sob story about Tom Brown's schooldays and St Trinians, there are dozens of happy ,well adjusted, well educated children who went to boarding school and have prospered far beyond their state school potential
personally I would move heaven and earth to give my child the best possible education and start in life, even if that meant seeing slightly less of them at home

just my opinion

They don't want to send the child away to boarding school. It has nothing to do with my son being a teacher. They didn't bring children into this world, to send them away during their childhood to live the majority of their young years in a boarding school!!! It's not natural to want to do that.
As has been stated earlier, you only get one childhood. The state education system still works, it is not defunct!!

I assume you posted because you wanted opinions?? then you got mine, as to whether you like it or not, that is obvious
if you just wanted people to agree with you , why bother?

I don't want people to agree with me, but stated you thought it was to do with my son defending state school, when that is simply not the the case.
I struggle to understand why and how parents can actually send their children away to be educated, when they could have a good state education.
A family in my street, put their three daughters into a rather posh public school in Jesmond. The girls have faired no better than my children who went to the local comp.
My children have had a good education.. And I had the joy of being with them and gave them the support that young children need when growing up.

[kaymar]

There would appear to be personality clashes involved here and it is easy to offer opinions without being in possession of all the facts. If, however, grandfather truly believes that the children will benefit from a boarding school education then his offer to pay for it is commendable and does not make him a bad person. He may even be right.

If the parents do not agree, however, then a grateful "Thanks but no thanks" should be the end of it. It should certainly not be the cause of a major rift in the family and maybe, Sue, there are ways in which you could help to ensure that this does not happen.

[wolfie]

Firstly apologies - I wrote 'is' and I meant to say that boarding school isn't that bag.

Anyway - Sue, I know that it's an awesome and important decision to make or be part of, and I wish that everything turns out beautifully for you.

Em

That's what a boarding school education does for you, Em.

[Silver_Shiney]

Firstly apologies - I wrote 'is' and I meant to say that boarding school isn't that bag.

Anyway - Sue, I know that it's an awesome and important decision to make or be part of, and I wish that everything turns out beautifully for you.

Em

That's what a boarding school education does for you, Em.

She probably even meant to say it isn't that bad

[Boris+]

Hi Alan,

Yes, I got myself completely in a tizzy - apologies. I did mean to say 'bad' - as in 'it wasn't bad'. I do realise that boarding school is not for everyone, but some of us have had positive experiences, and are more than happy to go down the same road again.

However, having said that, I am fully aware - and I do tell other people this - that it's like anything in life (including a cruise) you can do an itinerary on a ship and it's great, and then repeat it (and even have the same stateroom) and it's just not as nice. There are loads of variables, and given that fact then the second or third experience won't be the same as the first. Could be better - could be worse. Only time will tell.

However, if people really believe that going down the boarding school route is something that they absolutely don't want to do, then they should be allowed to concentrate on having a good experience of the education they have selected; and I wish everyone well.

Em

[Manoverboard]

... they are standing their ground against a domineering man, who thinks it's his way or no way.

I appreciate that Sue but as an outsider it also sounds as though his daughter may have inherited the same trait, sadly. She surely needs to learn how to communicate with the old sod, if only for the sake of the little ones, or vitriol will replace love if it hasn't already.

We are aware of a similar person in our lives, albeit one step removed. In his case he believed with total conviction that his role was to be in charge of all the family members and to do their thinking for them. It's an old fashioned belief but it is quite common with men of his generation, especially those with War stories to tell, but it is nevertheless generally well intended.

If he eventually leaves his wealth to the grandchildren then this will probably confirm where his concerns were, the daughter dare I predict is likely to interpret it as being a way to punish her.

What a mess

As Kaymar suggests, perhaps there is a role for you to play.

[Dancing Queen]

... they are standing their ground against a domineering man, who thinks it's his way or no way.

I appreciate that Sue but as an outsider it also sounds as though his daughter may have inherited the same trait, sadly. She surely needs to learn how to communicate with the old sod, if only for the sake of the little ones, or vitriol will replace love if it hasn't already.

We are aware of a similar person in our lives, albeit one step removed. In his case he believed with total conviction that his role was to be in charge of all the family members and to do their thinking for them. It's an old fashioned belief but it is quite common with men of his generation, especially those with War stories to tell, but it is nevertheless generally well intended.

If he eventually leaves his wealth to the grandchildren then this will probably confirm where his concerns were, the daughter dare I predict is likely to interpret it as being a way to punish her.

What a mess

As Kaymar suggests, perhaps there is a role for you to play.

Unfortunately Moby it isn't always that easy to communicate with a domineering father and I know because mine was one of them , I tried many times and eventually just walked away, that may shock a few people but I had no intention of letting him rule my life as an adult as he had as a child, for many years I carried the burden of guilt but then asked myself why should I , he lived his life his way and I have lived mine my way, I believe it has made me a much stronger person.

[Dancing Queen]

if the boarding school is a better school and has been proven to be so, then what is the issue?
it sounds a little like the Father is trying to defend state run schools as he teaches there and feels it is more a slight on his job than a true reason for not sending the child away
if the child can receive a better education and a better start to life, then why not and more the better, if the financial burden does not fall on the parents

I think this is a case of the heart ruling the head and for every sob story about Tom Brown's schooldays and St Trinians, there are dozens of happy ,well adjusted, well educated children who went to boarding school and have prospered far beyond their state school potential
personally I would move heaven and earth to give my child the best possible education and start in life, even if that meant seeing slightly less of them at home

just my opinion

They don't want to send the child away to boarding school. It has nothing to do with my son being a teacher. They didn't bring children into this world, to send them away during their childhood to live the majority of their young years in a boarding school!!! It's not natural to want to do that.
As has been stated earlier, you only get one childhood. The state education system still works, it is not defunct!!

I assume you posted because you wanted opinions?? then you got mine, as to whether you like it or not, that is obvious
if you just wanted people to agree with you , why bother?

Well there's a surprise DK, I would have thought 'boarding schools' and the people that send their children to them would have fallen into your category of the 'ten bob millionaires'

I don't have children so I am not qualified to really have an opinion although I have a niece who enjoyed a childhood at home with her parents, she now has children of her own who enjoy the same sort of childhood, just my opinion and I say it very generally ... if a child has the potential to do well they will do it regardless of where they go to school, sending them to a private school will not make them a clever person if they didn't have the potential in the first place.

[Dark Knight]

DQ

the whole crux of this post, to me, is nothing to do with anything ,other than what is best for the child and a private education, could well set the child up for life and trying to garner support from this forum to validate a one sided argument is rather crass to say the least

[Frank Manning]

Actually DK you are the one making a crass remark. Yes DQ has a viewpoint, but in the end all she is doing is asking for views about boarding school. It isn't just private school, it is boarding school which is a different scenario completely. Where children are away from their parents, and deprived of the comfort, love and care which parents provide. That is a matter for DQ's genuine concern, and if she asks our opinions; so what?

[Dancing Queen]

DQ

the whole crux of this post, to me, is nothing to do with anything ,other than what is best for the child and a private education, could well set the child up for life and trying to garner support from this forum to validate a one sided argument is rather crass to say the least

Could ........ being the operative word, there are no guarantees.

I don't really see where anyone is trying to garner support, as with any post/thread we will all have varying opinions it would be pretty boring if we didn't from the majority of the replies it would appear that most mothers ( and a few fathers ) would not want to send their children away to boarding school and maybe those that would are the ones who put a career before family which in my opinion if that is the case then they shouldn't have children in the first place, I appreciate there are very few stay at home mothers these days but most appear to fit work in around their children's needs.

Who decides what is best for the child ... the parents of course and so they should, as I said previously if a child has the potential they will make it regardless of which school they attend.

Maybe we have just read the OP differently, I read it as someone who has the money and likes to use it to 'control' if he had the best interest of his grandchildren at heart do you not think he would make the effort to visit them and assess for himself what their home life is like and how happy that environment is, I actually find it quite sad that this man can only contribute money to his grandchildren ( however well meaning that might be ) time and love cannot be bought

[Dancing Queen]

Actually DK you are the one making a crass remark. Yes DQ has a viewpoint, but in the end all she is doing is asking for views about boarding school. It isn't just private school, it is boarding school which is a different scenario completely. Where children are away from their parents, and deprived of the comfort, love and care which parents provide. That is a matter for DQ's genuine concern, and if she asks our opinions; so what?

Errr it was Suespud's thread Frank I was just throwing my ten pennorth worth in, I don't have children so it isn't a decision I have ever had to make but I do have an opinion so like others have given it

[Wina G]

Presumably it's always going to be one sided argument as no seems to have had experience of both scenarios

[oldbluefox]

The strongest educator in a child's life is the parent, if they are prepared to give time and energy. By the time they start school it is probably too late. Much of what a school teaches can be negated by attitudes of the family but likewise, have a parent who has a genuine desire to get the best for their child and you are on a winner. I have often felt that boarding schools would be ideal for those children unfortunate to be born to lazy, feckless and irresponsible parents who stifle any potential the little mites have. I was going to say, then sterilise the parents but maybe that's just a step too far - at present!!

[Dark Knight]

Frank
I have offered my opinion and obviously it was not what the OP wanted to hear, so the obvious point is, what did she want to hear?
that she is right and everybody supports her 100% and well done for being such a wonderful caring person?
I read the OP as a cynical attempt to besmirch somebody , because they are from Surrey and have money, and to try to garner support for their own point of view, whilst denigrating somebody else's good intentions
If it has nothing to do with Surrey grandad, then it sure as hell has nothing to do with Geordie Grandma either

so read what I wrote and for heaven's sake stop self electing to get upset, as it has nothing to do with anyone but the parents......end of

DQ

Agreed we may have different interpretations and different view points and agreed there is no guarantee of success at a private school but no harm going either.

Anywho, this is pointless and none of anyone's concern but the parents and whatever they decide is ok for them, I just hope they don't give into to Granny pestering and make the wrong choice

bye bye

[Ray Scully]

those children unfortunate to be born to lazy, feckless and irresponsible parents who stifle any potential the little mites have.

OBF

Overbearing prescriptive parents may also have a similar effect.

Ray

[oldbluefox]

I wouldn't argue with that, Ray. It's a balancing act.

[Gill W]

DQ

the whole crux of this post, to me, is nothing to do with anything ,other than what is best for the child and a private education, could well set the child up for life and trying to garner support from this forum to validate a one sided argument is rather crass to say the least

You can't put a dim or lazy unwilling to learn kid into a private education, and turn them into a something they are not. They will come out the other end, still dim or lazy.

But a bright, eager to learn child, preferably with supportive parents will succeed in life, regardless of what school they go to, whether it's private or state.

A private education isn't a magic formula to future success. Out of the two most expensively educated people I know, one has a dead end job in a garden centre. He's happy, but it's not exactly set up for life. The other one wasn't cut out for the high flying corporate world his parents pushed him into, had a nervous breakdown and now feels he's failed his parents and beats himself up about it on a daily basis. Not set up for life either.

[Manoverboard]

Unfortunately Moby it isn't always that easy to communicate with a domineering father ...

Agreed Jo and I can also relate to that experience but it wasn't until I had the somewhat scary responsibility of bringing up little people that I started to understand better what was driving that need for him to be in control. He had a very wide and painful experience of life at the sharp end but I either thought that I knew better or simply wanted to find my own experiences ... either way only years later did we both man-up enough to be able to discuss it and accept the differences and then bury them. Not easy but how can it not be worth the effort.

I have a question ...

How do you explain to a child of any age that as a family we can't be arsed to let Grand-dad have his own way on the few occasions that we see him because it conflicts with me wanting my own way ?

... back to the OP.

One advantage gained from a Private School education are the contacts that are often made, these can open a few doors and even oil the start of a budding career.

[david63]

One point that has not been mentioned - is there an "Surrey" grandmother and if so what are her views on the matter?

[suespud]

Unfortunately Moby it isn't always that easy to communicate with a domineering father ...

Agreed Jo and I can also relate to that experience but it wasn't until I had the somewhat scary responsibility of bringing up little people that I started to understand better what was driving that need for him to be in control. He had a very wide and painful experience of life at the sharp end but I either thought that I knew better or simply wanted to find my own experiences ... either way only years later did we both man-up enough to be able to discuss it and accept the differences and then bury them. Not easy but how can it not be worth the effort.

I have a question ...

How do you explain to a child of any age that as a family we can't be arsed to let Grand-dad have his own way on the few occasions that we see him because it conflicts with me wanting my own way ?

... back to the OP.

One advantage gained from a Private School education are the contacts that are often made, these can open a few doors and even oil the start of a budding career.

Moby,it has nothing to do with them "not being arsed", it's all grandads way on most stuff. They stay in hotels now when they go because grandad thinks kids should be seen, and not heard and doesn't like the mess they make in his house. He has a four bedroomed house. They ended up in a travel lodge one Christmas because he couldn't stand his 3year old grandson in his house!! They often make arrangements, take time off work etc, only to be told he has called it off for one reason or another.
He has been invited up here , flights booked for him, but then calls it off.

He has never travelled here to see his daughters home and where she lives.
Btw he isn't old. Was just 60 last year.

[suespud]

One point that has not been mentioned - is there an "Surrey" grandmother and if so what are her views on the matter?

The other grandmother is in a nursing home with advanced Alzheimer's.
Dil goes down to see her as often as she can,on her own without kids and hubby.