I'd like to start with the European Directive on the Correct Use of Lifts 2014.
This would be aimed at those who:
a) Can't decide which way to go, so push both the up and down buttons
b) Say "I'm going up to go down", thus filling the lift so those who actually want to go up to go up can't get in, and vice versa
c) Having done a), enquire, as the doors open, whether you are going down, when the illuminated arrow clearly shows you are going up, and vice versa
d) Having done c), get in, press a button for the opposite direction to that in which the lift is going, and then do b)
e) Having done c), push both buttons again as soon as the doors close, thus making them open again
f) Having done e), do e) again
g) Having done e) again, do d)
h) On arrival at their destination (eventually) take one step and then stop dead in the centre of the doorway to consider their next move (this rule also applies to escalators)
i) While waiting for a lift to arrive stand so close to the doors no-one in the lift can get out
j) Having done i), when the lift arrives enter it without any consideration that anyone else might want to get out
k) **** in the lift.
Committing any of the above offences should result in compulsory attendance at a Lift Awareness Course.
A second offence should result in a 12 month ban on any use of lifts anywhere in the EU.
A third offence should result in a life ban on use of lifts anywhere in the World.
Now that's what I call useful legislation.
