Which would you prefer?

[Kenmo1]

Em - we got ourselves into a difficult position when a work girlfriend met a new partner who obviously considered himself a connoisseur of fine wines and food. We met up with them a couple of times for meals - the partner chose regularly from the expensive end of the menu and the wine menu whereas we are very basic fish and chips/or steak and ale pie people with a lager for hubby and a J2O for me. I know my girlfriend was embarrassed when he suggested we split the bill equally but we did so for the sake of her friendship with me. We were just recovering from a few lean years after my husband's heart attack so every penny counted whereas the new partner ran his own business. In the end, we had to start making excuses for not going out for meals with them.

It is sometimes difficult to judge this situation but I now regularly meet up with some of the people who worked as carers for the Council when I worked in the office. A lot of them retired a few years before me and are 5 or 6 years older than me plus some are now widows. When I retired they kindly asked me to join their monthly get together for a meal but they made it clear that each person paid for their own meal and drink so I knew what the situation was right from the start. It made life a lot easier and, therefore, doesn't cause any bad feeling.

[suespud]

I would be more worried about the drinking and driving going on, than the cost of the meal...!!!!!
I'm sorry but if "friends" of mine were driving after drinking to the excess you are talking about....they would be no longer friends.. And I would be having a word with them and seriously think about reporting them !!

[Boris+]

Hi Sue,

It wasn't the money involved, it was the freeloading attitude that caused part of the problem. The people who misbehaved were very selfish and self-centred, and I shall be giving them a wide berth in future.

As far as the drinking and driving bit is concerned - I was appalled. We knew we had a long distance to drive, and that there was a good possibility that we would end up sharing the driving, and so neither of us went anywhere near alcohol - not that we drink much anyway. When either one of us knows that driving is involved, then there's simply no alcohol. But to watch someone freeload more than a couple of gins for the woman and a matching number of pints for the man (and bearing in mind that both of them are on various types of medication) - I was appalled.

In future if it's a meal where there isn't a clearly identified host (in other words one person paying the lot) then I'm not willing to play that particular game - there were people there who may have felt financially diddled; we just felt that people had been greedy and grabbing.

I have no time for selfish or underhanded people - and this hasn't helped.

Em

[Mervyn and Trish]

We're happy either way but I think everyone should be clear which way it's going to be before the meal starts. We did once go out with a group of about a dozen, most of whom were choosing freely from the menu and drinking quite a lot. One couple, however, were a bit short of cash at the time and were deliberately drinking in moderation so it seemed very unfair when one of the bigger spenders suggested at the end we split the bill.

On another occasion we were in a hotel reception when three ladies who had had a meal and spent the night there came to checkout. Once presented with their bills the arguments began. "I didn't have a coffee". "But your sweet was more expensive". "They've charged me for your bread roll." "I'm sure the red wine was cheaper than the rose" etc. etc..

It took them a full half hour before they each had a bill they were satisfied with. If they were friends before the night out they certainly can't have been after. And the poor receptionist looked ready to top herself!

[Boris+]

Oh well - if and when there is a next time, I'm going to sort things out before freeloaders who like to act big and pay small start playing their merry little game.

Meanwhile, after their incredibly rude and ill-mannered behaviour they are now going to complain if I don't send them an Xmas card. I hope they don't reverse the charge for that particular phone call!!!

I just don't believe some people.

Em

[GillD46]

If they genuinely have boasted that they ate and drank to excess simply to freeload, which I find almost unbelievable, then surely you'd want nothing to do with them anyway, whether by Christmas card, telephone or in person.

[Frank Manning]

If they genuinely have boasted that they ate and drank to excess simply to freeload, which I find almost unbelievable, then surely you'd want nothing to do with them anyway, whether by Christmas card, telephone or in person.

Spot on Gill! I never mind paying, but I hate freeloaders.

[Boris+]

Much of what was being said was what I call excessively loud bragging - and which to an extent I tried to ignore. I did however have a chuckle to myself about the huge knowledge of cruising being boasted about by someone whose only experience of cruising was a 2 nighter - once.

Oh well, lesson learnt; and I'm going to stick to my guns and not send cards if I don't want to.

Em

[Onelife]

Hi Em,

As a general rule we pay for what we order and in doing so would expect others to do the same. If our meal came to £20 and the organiser asked us to round it up to £25 to cover what others had ordered l would have told him/her to get stuffed for sure.

If we are dinning with friends then we generally split the bill straight down the middle irospective of who has what.....then on the way home call them everything under the sun if they've made pigs of themselves

Hope that helps

Regards

Keith

[Meg 50]

Hi Em,

As a general rule we pay for what we order and in doing so would expect others to do the same. If our meal came to £20 and the organiser asked us to round it up to £25 to cover what others had ordered l would have told him/her to get stuffed for sure.
............
Keith

but your £20 with 10% tip is near enough £25.....

[Boris+]

Well, I had carefully avoided the issue of the 'tip' - the best tip I could have given this restaurant was to serve food which was hot if it was supposed to be hot, and secondly not to serve food which was overcooked. The tip wasn't deserved - but I was avoiding discussing that.

I like a situation where I know that I am going to pay for what I have ordered and consumed, and where the bill includes drinks, then those drinks are ones which I have ordered for other people. I don't like people ordering stuff willy nilly and taking the decision out of my hands as to what I am going to pay for.

Oh well - it's over and done with now - but heaven help any freeloaders who try it on next time we are away!!!

Em

[colwill]

Oh well - it's over and done with now - but heaven help any freeloaders who try it on next time we are away!!!

Em

That sounds scary. What do you plan to do?

[Onelife]

As a general rule we pay for what we order and in doing so would expect others to do the same. If our meal came to £20 and the organiser asked us to round it up to £25 to cover what others had ordered l would have told him/her to get stuffed for sure.
............
Keith

but your £20 with 10% tip is near enough £25.....

Hi Meg......you're obviously a far more generous person than l as there's no way l would leave a 10% tip on a meal that cost £20... no matter how good the service was.

Regards

keith

[suespud]

Oh well - if and when there is a next time, I'm going to sort things out before freeloaders who like to act big and pay small start playing their merry little game.

Meanwhile, after their incredibly rude and ill-mannered behaviour they are now going to complain if I don't send them an Xmas card. I hope they don't reverse the charge for that particular phone call!!!

I just don't believe some people.

Em

I'm a bit confused here....how do you know they are going to complain if you don't send them a Xmas card???

[Boris+]

Hi Colwill,

Well here's how it works - if we bump into people we already know and get along with then I can be my normal generous self. People who are new to us - well that's a judgement call really, and if I get it wrong, then on my head be it (however, I wouldn't be 'generous to a fault'). People we already know and who 'leave a bit to be desired' - we'll avoid them if possible, and if not well then we'll just buy our own drinks, and quite frankly I don't care one jot. I think that recent events have left a nasty taste. Rest assured though, all will be done with a large dollop of tact and diplomacy.

---------------------------------

Hi Sue,

How are all the Xmas plans - well in hand I trust, knowing you. You ask about Xmas cards and complaints; well .......... for quite some time we've had the situation which loads of people have that they send cards to other people who only bother making contact once a year. Yes, these people ask those closer to us what we are doing etc., but it's simply for the sake of gossip - and that's something I can't stand.

Anyway, we had to be at the same function as a couple of these people (the once a year card mob), and they made some rude and uncalled for 'smart remarks', so last Xmas we didn't send them a card. It was a situation at home where we had run out of cards, I was very ill (but not admitting it), daughter had run into problems with her pregnancy and I simply didn't have the will or ability to go out and buy another blasted packet of cards. These people then turned on somebody else who is closer to us, and demanded an explanation - and this nagging went on and on. I most certainly don't owe these people an explanation, and I really don't know who the heck they think they are. So, I was asked why I didn't send them a card and I wouldn't give them an answer simply because I'm not answerable to them; and my 'problems' at the time were private and personal - and I most definitely (a) wasn't going to tell them what was going on, (b) didn't want these people getting involved and (c) most certainly wasn't going to provide 'gossip fodder'.

Sorry Sue - maybe that sounds a bit stroppy, but you asked and that's my answer - apologies.

So, I'm off to get a couple of packets of Xmas cards etc today, and those that receive them will be close and treasured folk; cards and gifts sent with love and thoughtfulness.

Albeit it early festive and seasonal greetings to you.

Em

[oldbluefox]

If you suspect somebody is taking you for a ride on meals out either just don't go out with them again or insist on only paying for what you have consumed. Not sure what it has to do with Christmas card lists. You can still be on speaking terms and still send them a card, you just don't subsidise their eating and drinking habits.

[Meg 50]

Christmas card giving has got out of hand - it was started to keep in touch with those we don't see to give a verbal greeting and now they go to all and sundry...

We prune our list regularly and if peeps don't like it - tough titties

[Stephen]

Hi Em,

As a general rule we pay for what we order and in doing so would expect others to do the same. If our meal came to £20 and the organiser asked us to round it up to £25 to cover what others had ordered l would have told him/her to get stuffed for sure.

If we are dinning with friends then we generally split the bill straight down the middle irospective of who has what.....then on the way home call them everything under the sun if they've made pigs of themselves

Hope that helps

Regards

Keith

Sounds like me

[Dancing Queen]

I did the same a couple of years ago Meg and now only send cards to those I really want to keep in touch with, that isn't to say those who don't get a card are not thought about but many of them who are scattered around the country I'm never likely to see again ( mainly ex work colleagues )

[GillD46]

I do agree that Christmas card sending had got completely ridiculous, and now that postage is SO expensive, the 100 or so cards I used to send made a big dent in my planned Christmas budget. So I have cut back drastically, and in any case almost everybody we know has an email address these days, so I send e-cards to some.

I do feel sad, but spending £50+ on postage, plus the cost of the cards, was a step too far.

[Meg 50]

I have started sending e cards too - having bought a subscription when b.i.l. emigrated to OZ. The sub was covered by the time 2 b'days in his family had been celebrated!

most of our cards are hand delivered ( good exercise ); the posted ones are decreasing rapidly (mainly far flung relies); but e cards mean I can send to people whose home addresses I don't know (though I've yet to work out how to string incoming e cards on the wall)

[colwill]

Hi Colwill,

Well here's how it works - if we bump into people we already know and get along with then I can be my normal generous self. People who are new to us - well that's a judgement call really, and if I get it wrong, then on my head be it (however, I wouldn't be 'generous to a fault'). People we already know and who 'leave a bit to be desired' - we'll avoid them if possible, and if not well then we'll just buy our own drinks, and quite frankly I don't care one jot. I think that recent events have left a nasty taste. Rest assured though, all will be done with a large dollop of tact and diplomacy.

Em

Hi Em,

Thanks for that, avoiding people will certainly jolly well teach them a lesson they won't forget in a hurry, though perhaps tact and diplomacy may not be the best way forward; wouldn't it be awful if they were blissfully unaware they were being shunned?

One never stops learning...

[Not so ancient mariner]

No problem Mob. I'll meet you in the Belle Vue in Papcastle and I'll treat you to a decent pub meal. Are you drinking still or carbonated?

I'm a lot closer than MOB if you fancy meeting up in said hostelry some time....and I can pay my own way!

[Manoverboard]

No problem Mob. I'll meet you in the Belle Vue in Papcastle and I'll treat you to a decent pub meal. Are you drinking still or carbonated?

I'm a lot closer than MOB if you fancy meeting up in said hostelry some time....and I can pay my own way!

I'de go but I just don't fancy any of the local radiated water

[oldbluefox]

Good idea Notso. Not sure Mob would cope with a glass or two of Jennings though.

Hi Mob!!!