Becomming a Grandparent

[Boris+]

No Sue,

It is not a wind up. When our daughter came home she used her room at night. We had no problems. Each to their own.

Em

[The Tinker]

I have no grandchildren (yet) so am not up to speed on the new guidelines for babies - but surely 6months is too long for the baby to be in the same bedroom as their parents?

My two stayed in with us for approximately 6 - 8 weeks until they had established a routine (noticeably the firstborn for a bit longer).

The only thing that really bothers me is when mum's keep their baby in bed with them after feeding - could never have done that as risk is so high.

[Jacknian]

The latest advice from the national childbirth trust is that babies should sleep in the same room as their parents for the first 6 months as this helps to guard against cot death. There is scientific research to back this up so it's not just a matter of personal preference but an essential safe guard surely ?

[suespud]

Evidence proves there are less cot deaths if parents keep baby in their room for the first six months. Mine were in their own room at six weeks, 30 Years ago.
Thoughts are different now, as research proves.
Daft to take the risk if it's proven otherwise.

[The Tinker]

Evidence proves there are less cot deaths if parents keep baby in their room for the first six months. Mine were in their own room at six weeks, 30 Years ago.
Thoughts are different now, as research proves.
Daft to take the risk if it's proven otherwise.

Yes, I agree, Sue - babies can become overheated or chilled very quickly - I believe you lie them on their backs now instead of their sides?

[Boris+]

Ok, so with no disrespect to what you believe (and I trust therefore that you will kindly show no disrespect to what I believe); and apologies before I dive into this ......

I think that maybe what you are referring to as 'evidence' is not what I would consider 'evidence'. I somehow have the impression that what you are referring to is the way in which somebody has interpreted some data. The validity of the opinion or interpretation depends on the parameters set when the data was gathered in the first place - even before it was manipulated. I am not a fan of gigo - not saying that what you have read (or been told or whatever) is the result of gigo - but it's not for me.

I don't believe that any two babies are the same, and I'm not a fan of this 'one size fits all' advice either. It certainly suits some people, but I like to think outside the box.

People have to do what they think is right, within the confines of the law.

Surely, if there is going to be disruption in the main bedroom then having the baby sleep in an adjoining room makes sense?

We'll have to wait and see - there's a lot to get through first.

Heck its a bother being a sceptic.

Em

[suespud]

Well let's just say, I would put any amount of "disruption" over the safety of a tiny baby. Even if it were just a suggestion that it was safer to do I would, never mind research. The same as putting a baby on their back now, as was mentioned earlier.

Go argue the toss over which fabric is best......

As you say each to their own.

[Delboy]

This link may help, don't know who gigo are, but this is from the NHS, and will likely to be the advice given, when your daughter is in hospital having her baby.


http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy- ... aspx#close

[Meg 50]

I am not a fan of gigo - not saying that what you have read (or been told or whatever) is the result of gigo - but it's not for me.

not sure all those babies lives and research can be summed up as garbage in, garbage out.

For heaven's sake - these are babies' lives at stake

[suespud]

This link may help, don't know who gigo are, but this is from the NHS, and will likely to be the advice given, when your daughter is in hospital having her baby.


http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy- ... aspx#close

Let's hope her daughter reads this and does what is advised,even if Boris doesn't think she should!!!!

[suespud]

I am not a fan of gigo - not saying that what you have read (or been told or whatever) is the result of gigo - but it's not for me.

not sure all those babies lives and research can be summed up as garbage in, garbage out.

For heaven's sake - these are babies' lives at stake

I didn't know that's what it meant.

Boris, your attitude towards this is shocking!!

[Boris+]

Hi Sue,

From where I stand your point of view is even more so. You are entitled to your opinions, and I am entitled to mine.

Em

[david63]

Perhaps Em when you have experience of a cot death you will hopefully change your views.

For the record - I have not personally had such an experience but it did happen to a very close neighbour who we were very friendly with and we lived through it. The sight of a father carrying a small coffin out of the house lives with you for ever.

[Boris+]

Hi Meg,

No, it's the way that data is collected: why where when etc..... and then the way that it is manipulated.

And that's concerning.

Em

[Boris+]

Hi David,

As I am not in possession of all the facts and evidence in that particular case (nor would I wish to be) I can't form an opinion one way or the other.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For reasons best left well alone, I have a healthy mistrust of the NHS.

What I do know is that I have my beliefs, and they simply are not going to change. I respect other people for having their beliefs, and I do wish that they would accord me the same compliment.

Em

[The Tinker]

Hi Sue,

From where I stand your point of view is even more so. You are entitled to your opinions, and I am entitled to mine.

Em

Em - you come across as very gregarious - we are all entitled to our opinions and reading back, I think commonsense will prevail - otherwise you would not be purchasing a baby monitor.
I'm sure all mums on here would agree with me that you and your daughter will be checking that baby constantly - it's human nature.

[suespud]

Hi Sue,

From where I stand your point of view is even more so. You are entitled to your opinions, and I am entitled to mine.

Em

Absolutely Boris, but how about giving your grandchild the best possible start in life.
You know as you said in one of your posts....Better safe than sorry.

[Delboy]

Yes we all have our beliefs, but in this case it should not be about your personal beliefs, buts what's best for the baby.

Your mistrust of the NHS, should not enter into it, it should be between the midwife and your daughter.

If you mistrust the NHS so much, I am surprised you are allowing your daughter to have her baby in hospital, and even if it were at home, it would still involve the midwife.

[Boris+]

Sue – rest assured that the baby will be superbly provided for.

And Derek – where our daughter has the baby is going to be decided by things nearer the time. Now that sounds strange, but there are problems. Therefore, it’s not up to our daughter, it’s up to the Consultants.

Em

[ItsmeAnnC]

I had to change my views on a lot of things. When my daughters were born, 34 and 32 years ago, and when I was paediatric nursing, babies were put on their tummies or their sides, never ever on their backs. They were brought home and went straight into their own rooms. But, if research shows that the opposite is best for baby, that should be that. I have to accept it and thank God that mine didn't suffer as a result of my way of doing things. Maybe in years to come advice will change again. Like when to wean. It was 4 months when mine were babies, now it's six, and some advice even says 8 and straight on to finger food and lumps, not puree. My daughter recently went to a weaning class and learnt that the advice is shortly to go back to 4 months. Plus ca change.
Grandparents have to accept that their way of doing things may not be to current practice and learn to accept this. We may be proved right down the road, but how would we feel if something happened because we didn't embrace modern scientific progress?

[Boris+]

Hi Ann,

I like the way you made your point - and I have to say that for a very long time I have felt that 'medicine' is a very imprecise science.

So, as you mentioned one minute we are informed that research says something is good for you, and then next minute further research shows that it isn't good for you.

At the point where everyone was being told to put babies on their tummy for sleep I had a long hard think about things and decided that our daughter was going to sleep on her back - eventually that then was announced as being the new doctrine. This weaning business - well here again we were told 4 months, but we started very gently and very slowly to go onto solids (extremely runny solids admittedly) at 2.5 months. Is there actually a right way or wrong way? Just how wide or narrow is the sample base for research? Is there a geographic or socio-demographic basis to research - it's enough to make a mind boggle!
It's this 'not knowing for certain' how data has been gathered and manipulated which concerns me.

We are, it seems, going to have a baby shower - I've never been to one, and it's all the idea (in our case) of daughter's pals. They want a 'get together', my place is the most central to those invited, and I'm the one who doesn't work - so the friends are doing the 'organising' and I've sorted out the catering.

There is mention of games ........ anyone know what these might be?

Em

[Meg 50]

my daughter went to a shower not long ago and they had a game with loads of baby photos to identify - guests and celebrities.

They ate dreadful stuff like chocolate mousse using pampers as plates! and had balloons stuffed up their jumpers to keep the preggie one company!

[Boris+]

Oh heck Meg!

Thanks for the 'heads up' on the choccie mousse thing! I've offered to do the catering, and I'm not including mousse of any flavour - but I'll keep a watching eye out for anyone who brings it along as I wouldn't mind my carpets and upholstery staying just as nice and new as they are!

I certainly don't mind balloons up jumpers, but the 'organiser' of this event says she is going to "bring equipment with her", and I am (to say the least) puzzled! I like the sound of the photos thing - I've got a really daft one of our daughter which I might dig out.

Em

[emjay45]

I had to change my views on a lot of things. When my daughters were born, 34 and 32 years ago, and when I was paediatric nursing, babies were put on their tummies or their sides, never ever on their backs. They were brought home and went straight into their own rooms. But, if research shows that the opposite is best for baby, that should be that. I have to accept it and thank God that mine didn't suffer as a result of my way of doing things. Maybe in years to come advice will change again. Like when to wean. It was 4 months when mine were babies, now it's six, and some advice even says 8 and straight on to finger food and lumps, not puree. My daughter recently went to a weaning class and learnt that the advice is shortly to go back to 4 months. Plus ca change.
Grandparents have to accept that their way of doing things may not be to current practice and learn to accept this. We may be proved right down the road, but how would we feel if something happened because we didn't embrace modern scientific progress?

As you say opinions continually change. When my eldest son was born we were told to lie him on his tummy as it prevented choking if he were to be sick (I'm not sure now if it would). Just 18 months later when my youngest was born we were told to lie him on his side and not the tummy. I did lie him on his tummy as I felt it was just as safe.

[Meg 50]

I placed SD on her tummy as was the prescribed manner ( 1979). She wouldn't move her head to one side which I found worrying, so I placed her on her side instead - different side each time she was put down..

When JD was born (1982), I put her on her side like big sister.. She wasn't having it and forced herself to be on her tummy.
I found it worrying cos her nickname was 'Superpuke' - inhaling vomit was a concern, but that was the only position in which she would settle.